The Sound Of
by tori8
Summary: [song fic] Based on slightly altered events of Darien's life, up to and including the R season.


I love this song. If you've never heard it before listen to it its great. This is a song fic that I wrote that is about Darien's life. In the story it jumps around with it.... I hope its not too difficult to understand, if not feel free to ask questions. Btw I've changed some things from the original Sailor Moon, but I think that's my right as an author. Also this chapter, although it stands on its own also goes with my other story: The Bond. So please read that! Thanks! As per usual, nothing belongs to me; especially Sailor Moon, or the song The Sound Of by Jann Arden. Ja!  
  
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No I will not lay down  
  
I will not live my life lie a ghost in this town  
  
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Ten-year-old Darien Chiba sat alone in his room at the orphanage. He couldn't remember feeling this alone since *that* day. He couldn't even thin of it. Years later, Darien would look back on that day as the moment he realized how cruel life could really b. It was at that time when he started making a life for himself out of materialistic things. Good grades, respected by adults, good looks. 'I'm going to make something of myself' he thought. 'I may be alone, I may not be loved, but I'll be respected, and I'll be admired, even if it's from afar...'  
  
Those who knew Darien before (and a precious few those were) could tell you that was when the walls went up. When Darien Chiba, aloof and unattainable became his personal motto- no matter how subconsciously.  
  
For that was the day Darien returned to the orphanage for the second time. Only six months prior he had left to live with a family. However, the young couple just couldn't handle a boy with so much emotional baggage. 'I'm alone...'  
  
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I am not lonely  
  
Swear to God I'm just alone  
  
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"Aren't you ever lonely Darien?" Andrew asked him once. "You're always alone, doesn't that ever bother you?"  
  
"Not really," Darien easily lied." Sometimes it's even better to be by yourself, you know?"  
  
Andrew didn't and said so.  
  
"You could never understand Andrew" he replied. 'No one can love me, it's impossible...'  
  
"Look Dare," Andrew tried again, "Yes okay, you've had a hard life, and I get that. But why don't you let people get to now you? What that worst that could happen?"  
  
"Trust me Andrew, its better for me this way. I can't get hurt..."  
  
Andrew was about to tell him he was hurting himself, when Darien made his excuses and left. Later, when he met Serena, Andrew would talk to her about Darien.  
  
"I just don't get it Sere, he's a great guy, but he can't open up. The boy is deathly afraid of being hurt." That was when Serena learned about Darien's past. From that day on she always looked at him differently. 'That is one strong man...'  
  
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I'm back on my feet  
  
I can just close my eyes and forget everything  
  
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A young Tuxedo Mask patrolled the empty streets of Tokyo late one night. Ever since he moved out of the orphanage, hi princess had gotten more urgent, pleading with him desperately to help her. And, gods, Darien needed so much to believe that this woman loved him, and he loved her. Still he'd been searching for months and still nothing. Darien had never felt despair lie this, if this woman wasn't real... he didn't even what to think about it. She *had* to be real. 'I know this girl' he thought. 'She speaks to me, she must be real, somewhere...' All he had to do was find her.  
  
But, it just wasn't that simple. However much he new in his heart that she was real, he new nothing about her, and so, knew nothing about where to find her. He just knew he would. In his dreams, he never really talked to her, but he felt that when he was near her everything was okay.  
  
'How pathetic am I? The only worthwhile thing in my life is a dream.' Still when he saw her he felt like he was complete, but somehow missing so much. 'Why can't I remember? Please let me remember...'  
  
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My house is empty every memory blown away  
  
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Six-year-old Darien cried. He didn't now anything. He didn't know his name, he didn't know his family, he didn't even know his true age. He was no one except for who the doctors told him he was. And, even at such a young age, Darien promised himself that he would never let himself be this vulnerable again. Darien would always regret that promise. He couldn't keep it, and knowing that just hurt so much more.  
  
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Oh the sound of the wind through my bones  
  
Makes me laugh at all the bodies I kissed and never knew  
  
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Women. Just another thing that come easy to Darien. Unfortunately, that was now he looked at women for a large portion of his life. They were so fake, and he just couldn't respect that, and, as a principle couldn't love someone he didn't respect. That however, wasn't to say that he never had women, he was after all, male.  
  
Looking back, he has to laugh to keep himself from being truly disgusted with himself. It wasn't something he was proud of, but he had been with women he didn't even know, couldn't even remember their names. And if he new himself (which he did) he would say it was because he didn't want to.  
  
He could remember this one time. Andrew had come over, and saw a girl leaving.  
  
"Darien," he pleaded "Tell me her name. Tell me you now her name."  
  
He could only shrug.  
  
"Darien, you have to stop this." Andrew saw no emotions in his eyes "You're so young." Darien snorted, they were the *same* age after all. "This isn't the way to get love Darien."  
  
He just stared back unblinking.  
  
"As a friend, Darien I have to tell you you're going about your life wrong. You're going to be unhappy- if you aren't already."  
  
"Andrew?"  
  
"Yes, Dare?"  
  
"Don't preach."  
  
He sighed.  
  
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Oh the sound of a lover's sympathy falling down to the floor  
  
Just barely out of reach from me  
  
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It wasn't like Darien was some heartless womanizer, he harbored a lot of guilt deep down within himself, and we all know the saying 'it takes two to tango.' These women knew (or knew of) Darien Chiba, and as much as some of them would dream of being the one to break down his walls, they knew what they were getting into. A lot of them felt bad for him. Even if they didn't know his tearful past, he lived alone, her was cold, and many women could tell he was lonely. Darien could sense this ad he would reach out for it mistaking it to be love. Still he couldn't find what he was looking for. Maybe he wasn't looking in the right places. Or, maybe he didn't know what he was looking for.  
  
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No I will not go back  
  
Every word that's been hiding inside of my head is running blindly  
  
Look behind me nothing's left  
  
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The first time he met Sailor Moon it was like coming home. He knew she was the princess from the moment he saw her. It was like this; he was sitting at home when he felt the most painful/wonderful feeling in his chest lie he was needed so badly, and then, out of nowhere he was watching her fight. He knew it. She had to be the Moon Princess, she was Sailor *Moon* after all. But then the senshi were out for the same crystals he was, and why would she need him to look for the crystals if she could do it herself? And why didn't she know him? Once again his life was so hard. 'I love her that's all that matters. I'll do my job, but I'll protect her as well, and until I know fore sure it's best to keep my distance.  
  
Distance.  
  
It was like his whole life.  
  
After that moment, the women stopped. Andrew was ecstatic that his friend had finally come around, but a little curious as to why. 'It must be a girl...'  
  
It was almost exactly the same time when he first met Serena. He couldn't help but feel that he loved/hated her. The girl was always there. So different from all the other women he'd ever known. "Do I know her...?'  
  
Then Darien knew the past was finally behind him. 'I can't forget my life, but now I can look forward to better things' he thought.  
  
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I can sit in a room  
  
I can hear myself breathing and be quite amused  
  
My life is simple like the wrinkles on my skin  
  
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Darien sat at the arcade's counter waiting for Serena, or trying not to wait for her. Andrew told him her loved her. But that couldn't be true because he loved his princes... right? So, (being himself) he decide to do nothing. When he took the time to really think about it, his life was simple. Keep your distance. Do nothing. He sighed. So simple, but so complex, and he just didn't know what to do. Three girls so alike they could be the same, His heart knew this to be true. He had spent a considerate amount of time with all three to now this, but his mind couldn't accept it- probably because it was so simple. There was this life; he has to be upset with what he could accept than happy what he knew to be true.  
  
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Oh the sound of the wind through my heart makes me glad  
  
For all the ones that never knew my name  
  
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Serena was like the moonlight guiding the traveler when there was nothing else. Darien was astounded that she could love him. He was so flawed, so unworthy of anyone's love.  
  
Darien couldn't be happy, he just wouldn't allow it, everyone could see this besides Serena, so they talked to him on her behalf. He ended up just getting angry at them and storming off.  
  
"Just leave it guys," said Lita.  
  
Amy found him later sitting on a swing by himself. She sat down beside him.  
  
"You now," he said after a moment "For someone who doesn't now me, you sure now me really well."  
  
"Well Darien," she said "I thin you're a rather easy person to get."  
  
He laughed. "Maybe you can explain me to me."  
  
She was silent, and then; "You know Darien, she knows about you past- at least briefly- and doesn't judge you for decisions you've made."  
  
"I can't be loved."  
  
"I think she loves everyone."  
  
"Exactly! She loves everyone! I'm nothing special, she loves everyone."  
  
"That," she said "Is where you're wrong. It makes it that more special that out of everyone, she chose you to be with." With that she walked away to leave Darien with his thoughts.  
  
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Oh the sound of a lover's sympathy  
  
I had to go  
  
Could not say here, they were always out of reach  
  
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Then came the dreams. They were going to drive him absolutely crazy! He just could not ignore them, so he did nothing and stayed away from Serena. Yes, it hurt, but it wasn't like there was anything he could do about it.  
  
One time Mina corned him. It was after a battle, and he has barely made it on time, so he was a little shaken up.  
  
"Darien she had said calmly "You're lying to yourself." And because he was feeling vulnerable he told her everything.  
  
"... and I just couldn't bare it if she died, it's better this way."  
  
She looked at him dumbfound for a long time. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" He asked.  
  
"I can't tell you what you want to hear Darien." She finally replied.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You want me to tell you you're doing the right thing. I can't. You're not being noble by doing this Darien," she said calmly, which in itself was surprising "In fact, I think your acting rather cowardly."  
  
"How can you say that! I'm protecting her!"  
  
"You're hurting her to protect yourself. I'm sorry Darien, that's all I can tell you."  
  
Serena stopped coming around. He had no idea what Mina had said to her if anything. Still he tried to convince himself he was doing what was right. 'I'm protecting her.' He kept telling himself. 'Are you sure about that?' A nasty little voice said inside his head. 'Who are you really doing this for? Are you protecting her from yourself?'  
  
'*This* is what's best.'  
  
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From me.  
  
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End file.
